And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
