So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
