I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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