dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
