Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
