4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
