you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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