Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
