ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
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