yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
