I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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