capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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