Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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