I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
