I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
