Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
