I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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