Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
When did angry sex become our thing?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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