Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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