im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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