There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
