I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
