My nipple is on Facebook.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
