just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Buhtt sex?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
