I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
