Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize