If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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