I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
