I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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