Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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