I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
