If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
