you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
