I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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