What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
