So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
