my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
