if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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