someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
