i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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