why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
