is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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