You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
