The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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