Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
