I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
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I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.