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So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
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