Dude i fell asleep inside of her
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.