my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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