i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.