Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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