I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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