Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
