the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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