Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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