Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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