If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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