Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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