yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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