he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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