how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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