If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize