we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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