So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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