that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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