do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
