I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
