how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
