tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
