life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
That's intense
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
