Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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