I'm really into asian looking animals
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
