i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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